Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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