oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
