First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Let's get the cat blown out
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize