she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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