after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
