Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
