just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think my vagina is haunted
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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