whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
