dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
