I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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