So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
