God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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