I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
