You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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