the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
