somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
