Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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