I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
