Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
