That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
