how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
