Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
