I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
