WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize