so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
