chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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