I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
