i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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