Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
