Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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