it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
