Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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