Hey man sorry I got all grabby
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
