As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
