I heard we made out
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
