whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
