Taylor Swift is so right about you.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
