Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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