yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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