woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Bring me that man meat
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
