Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
