i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
