i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
