Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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