I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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