I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
