Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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