I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
