you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
