im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
