Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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