Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
