note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
