her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize