My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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