I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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