drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
