I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize