addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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