i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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