my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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