I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
