Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
