it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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