I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
