it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
