We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
