Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
