Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
false alarm, still single
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