guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
