i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize