Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
