$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
